Washed Ashore, Chapter Ten"Fate"Todd laid flat on his surfboard and paddled out into the higher waves. He still wasn’t quite sure whether The Big one everyone spoke even existed, much less would show up here, but so far the surfing had been good anyway. Maybe this wouldn’t be a wasted trip regardless.
Oh, who was he kidding? His whole life was a waste. This was the only part about surfing he really hated. The time alone out on the water gave him time to think. Th solitude reminded him of just how alone he was through, as far as he was concerned, no fault of his own. He’d been a good person. Did his own thing, never worrying tooo much about fulfilling others’ expectations of him, but who ever said he had to do that? Th answer to that question always came to him just before reaching the big wave--I do.
The board caught a growing wave and Todd slowly but surely stoof up on his board. He may not have accomplished much in his young life thus far, but he was good at this. Envibly good. He usually felt at peace riding atop a wave. It was as thought the entire power of nature was below him, guiding him where it wanted him to go. He liked that feeling, or at least he used to. Todd had so far lived a hapless life, buffeted by fate. He figured that was all right for now. He was young and had plenty of time to right things before settling down and establishing his life. The thing is that wasn’t happening. Sometimes twenty-two can be very old when the path towards the future isn’t clear. Todd knew it was time to quit spending his life in pursuit of some deep meaning in whimsical things. Unfortunately, he didn’t know any other way to go about it. There certainly weren’t any sign forthcoming.
Sometimes Todd couldn’t clear these thoughts out of his mind while riding a wave. That’s a bad thing. Lack of concentration can make bad things happen. Indeed, Todd lost his balance and sipped right off the board. Th surrounding waves kept crashing into him making it hard to come back up for air. Truth be told, Todd didn’t make much of on effort to do so. He floated beneath the surface of the water on his back. Looking up towards the surface, barely seeing the sunlight above, was surreal experience. Todd thought about just letting go.
On the beach, Wendy jumped up in a panic and stood a few frantic steps towards the shoreline. She looked back at Sean who was still sitting on the blanket he had been sharing with her.
“He’s down!” she screamed. Wendy was stunned Sean didn’t seem to care.
“Yeah, I know,” he replied.
“Shouldn’t we do something He’ll drown!”
Sean let out a reassuring but not too condescending laugh. “This sort of thing happens to surfers all the time. He knows what he is doing. Besides, he’s tethering to the board by his ankle. He isn’t going anywhere. Just come sit back down.” He patted the spot where she had been sitting.
Wendy took one nervous look back at the ocean and slowly walked back to the blanket. “All right. If you say so.”
Under the water, Todd’s lungs were about to burst. He considered for the brifest moment blowing all the air out. He wondered how long it would take for what little yellow sunlight he could see to turn death black. He released all the air in his lungs and began to choke as water invaded his lungs. He quickly recovered his senses and franticly resurfaced. He thrust his head above the water and gasped for a deep breath of air. A wave tossed him under yet again, but he quickly recovered. He violently struggled to get hold of his board and climbed back on. He collapsed face first on the board and spit out the water from his lungs.
From the blanket, Sean pointed to Todd. "See? He’s all right,” he told Wendy.
“He seems to be just lying there. Are you sure he's okay?”
“Yeah. Todd says this happens all the time. It’s the kind of rush he lives for. His heart is thundering like a freight train and he loves every minute of it,’ Sean assured her.
On the board, Todd lay motionless staring at nothing in particular. His lungs burnt. He could hear his own pounding heartbeat in his ears. Or was it blood ramming itts way through the tightened blood vessels in his head? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Scores of questions ran through his mind, but the most prevalent was:
“What the heck am I doing?”
Wendy never took her eyes off Todd out in the water. Sean was getting frustrated at not being the center of attention.
“You know who else’s heart is thundering like a frieght train?” he asked her.
She seemed not to hear him, but after a moment, turned and jokingly rolled her eyes. “That is such a cheesy line.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m not really any good at this sort of thing.”
“What sort of thing?”
“Wooing a pretty girl,” he replied with puppy dog eyes.
Wendy rolled her eyes again. “I can see you haven’t. At least you haven’t been as blatant as some about what you really want.”
Sean looked genuinely hurt. "And what is it I really want?”
“Never mind. It’s not something I should have dragged up,” she told him “You shouldn’t tell a girl you want to woo her. She already knows these things. You have to just do it. We like the chase. We want to feel special, not that we have to jut assume you want us.”
“All right. How do I do that?”
“You’re hopeless, Sean,” she said half jokingly. After a moment, she let out a deep sigh. “Give me your hand.”
Sean lifted up his right hand. Wendy took it and placed it on her upper back just between her shoulder blades. Sean felt jittery.
“Just relax and keep it there. Don’t go for the small of the back or down Broadway. I want to know you care, not that you want to grope. Now gently pull m close to you without head butting me.”
Sean did so, sliding Wendy just in front of him. He stopped--miraculously--at just the right point.
“Now, get ready to kiss me,” she said.
Sean closed his eyes and pursed his lip ridiculously. Wendy flicked his lips with her index finger.
“Don’t pucker like Dudley Doright. Just let them hang loose,” she told him. Sean turned his head to the side and puffed built up tension. Wendy laughed at him.
“What? This is new to me,” he said.
“And I thought I was supposed to be the naïve, sheltered one,” she lauhhed.
There was a brief pause. ‘Your dad wouldn’t be too happy about this, would he?” Sean asked.
“Probably not, but Daddy has to let go sometime. Tying to make him happy has caused me a lot of pain. I’m not sure how right it is anymore.”
“How sure are you that this is right?”
“Very. You understand the boundaries.”
They looked longingly into each other’s eyes. Neither said a word as Sean pulled Wendy towards him. He wrapped both his arms around her and she did the same to him. They kissed long and deep. Sean gently laid back on the blanket as the kiss lasted longer than either expected and they completely lost themselves in it. Sean slid his right hand down to the small of her back anyway. Wendy didn’t struggle or protest Sean gently rubbed the small of her back for a few long seconds before the kiss broke off. Wendy propped herself on her arms and looked into Sean’s face. They both had awkward smiles. Scores of thoughts ran through Wendy’s mind, but the biggest was:
“What the heck am I doing?”
The Chief sat on an unnamed hill. Actually, it had an ancient name, but for some reason it was decided to literally change it to the Unnamed Hill because tourists seem to think that was more mysterious somehow. A lot of things had been changed for the tourists’ benefit. Most of that was the fault of the Chief’s poor judgment. At least he blamed himself for it. Oftentimes in dark moments, he’d come up here. It was the second highest point on the island. Only the inactive volcano was higher and no one thought it was wise to climb it.
But the Unnamed Hill would do. The Chief could look on all four sides of the island. Tonight, at almost sunset, he didn’t like what he saw. On the ar beach sat the Sandhill hotel and all it’s gaudy trappings. Further down the beach was despoiled by a boat dock where tourists went deep sea fishing. More towards the center of the island was a small town of shops, bars, and cafes set up. Malu once quipped the place looked like a company town designed by Jimmy Buffett. The Chief had no idea what either reference meant, but it adduced it was an insult. There was a small airport in the central part of the island. Trees thousands of years old had been chopped down to build it. All of theses structures employed tribesmen. The Chief’s tribesmen who had long forgotten where they came from in pursuit of western culture.
When these depressed feelings overwhelmed the Chief, he always turned towards the private side of the island. He used the tem scornfully nowadays. Fully half the island was now owned by Nathaniel Gideon. He had preserved the dense jungle, not out of any respect for the indigenous population, but to keep their prying eyes out of his business. Gideon promised them a better life. They never expected it would be at the cost of their souls. The Chief still took some satisfaction from the fact he could still see much of the roof of Gideon’s majestic mansion in th distance. The crazy recluse couldn’t hide nearly as well as he thought he could.
Still, there was not much satisfaction to be had. The island was wounded and the Chief knew it would soon be crying out his name. It was all his fault. He was trying to lead his people to a better life and destroyed them instead. Now a reckoning was about to come. Score of thoughts ran through the Chief’s mind, but the biggest was:
“What the heck am I doing?”
At a bar on the edge of the “company town,” The colonel sat nursing his fourth. A huge bandage covered the left side of his face. He was almost slumped over the table. The white liquor was affecting his personality. Pedro sat quietly across from him, as he had all night, peeling the label off the same beer that he had been staring at, but not drinking for the last hour.
“They don’t respect me, Pablo. They never have,” the Colonel slurred.
“Who, Senor?”
“Everybody, Pablo. My people. The whole freaking world. I am their better and they don’t recognize it.”
Pedro ripped the label clean off the beer bottle. “I am sure you are incorrect, Senor. The people of San Pedro are…children…Senor. Children rebel against their parents, but they eventually accept their wisdom.”
Pablo could barely hide his disdain for having to insult his people. The Colonel had done more to impede progress in San Pedro than three war and a famine ever could. He never wanted to attach himself to the Colonel, but his family’s future seemed to depend on it. Had he only known his people had the will to rise up and oppose this monster, he would have made a different choice. Maybe this was his penance for making such a bad choice--to be forever saddled with him, never to return home.
That’s the best option, isn’t? For the Colonel to fail and never return home? Pablo never believed in the Colonel’s fanciful quest to find some scepter that probably doesn’t even exist, much less grants the wisdom of Solomon. This was all a way to keep him as far from San Pedro as possible. To give San Pedro a chance top become a paradise again. If that meant Pablo had to remain in hell, so be it.
The Colonel was to drunk to notice that Pablo was lost in thought. He was too busy mumbling to himself.
“Respect, Pablo, comes from power, and I shall have it. All the power wisdom can bring. They knowledge is power. Well the knowledge I seek I here. I can feel it, Pablo. It is calling to me. My destiny. And when I reach my destiny, they will all pay. Everyone of them for refusing me my rightful place--including Donna Masters. She will pay the most of all, Pablo.”
But Pablo didn’t hear his name. Scores of thoughts were running through his mind, but the biggest was:
“What the heck am I doing?”
That night in bed, Alex and Donna laid as far apart as possible and pretended to sleep both. Neither questioned the other why. They both knew they were only feigning sleep, but neither acknowledged the fact. It had been like this since yesterday. Alex had wandered roamed the island, not speaking to anyone, nor coming anywhere near the hotel until time for bed. He had been mulling over his encounter with the Colonel, thinking about how powless it made him feel. How worthless. And why not? Hadn’t he spent his whole life being jerked around my someone else? Weren’t all of his empty accomplishments the result of someone else’s pushing him or on someone else’s dime? His entire life was that way now and he didn’t even know why. He just uprooted his entire family to accept without question the charity of an eccentric recluse Why? Maybe the Colonel was right. Alex wasn’t much of a man.
Donna spent hours yesterday sitting on the shower floor sobbing as the water ran from hot to icy cold. She didn’t care. Jo matter how much she scrubbed, she couldn’t get the feeling of the Colonel off her. She never said a thing to anyone about what happened. The Colonel hadn’t shown up again, but she knew he hadn’t left the island. Fear of his reprisal engulfed her thoughts, but she knew she could never tell Alez. He would never be able to forgive himself for letting the Colonel in the hotel. She feared for Sean. This was the first time since they had left California. That he had any friends. There was no way she could ruin it for him. She would just have to be strong. Donna resolved that she’d kill the Colonel if he ever threatened her or her family again.
Alex and Donna lay motionless and quiet into the night. It ws impossible to sleep. Scores of thoughts ran through their minds, but the biggest was:
“What the heck am I doing?”
The final minutes of May are ticking away. I thought at the beginning there would be rough times this month with all the remembrances of two years ago, but I handled it much better than I thought. For a while now I have felt less like screaming my fool head off and more like possessing a melancholic acceptance that my lot in life isn’t the one I would ever choose. In fact, if some told me to pull a scripted lifetime out of a hat and told me the one I am currently experiencing was among the random choices, I would never, ever stick my hand in. I have heard a number of people in my life who have gone through rough times ask, “What did I go through that for?” The answer is because you did not have a choice. I accept that. Begrudgingly.
