Stop chugging and reflect for a moment. Let us face it--2011 sucked the big one. The economy was in the dumps. Unemployment never fell below 8.1%. The allegedly smartest man ever to inhabit the white House--or at least the one whose most competent trait is considered his finely creased pants--spent most of the year looking for answers on the golf course. The previous year was so bad, TIME considered pooping on a police car the deciding factor in naming its Person of the Year.
Donald Trump toyed with running for president in order to boost his negotiating position with NBC. He shot to the top of the polls and forced Obama to present his birth certificate in order to suit the paranoid minds of the politically marginalized. The Donald got the idea this made him a kingmaker. Sarah palin, Newt Gingrich, and newsmax all rushed to be seen with him to confirm his new status. It does not matter, though. The Donald is $160 richer thanks to NBC. The real question now is--he can get Palin to eat pizza with him, but can he recruit Lindsey Lohan for Celebrity Apprentice?
A couple other rules for ambitious politicians we learned this year. Besides currying favor with trump, never send a photo of your penis over twitter if you want to be mayor of New York City. Politely cut off your cell phone if the flight attendant asks, too. If you must test boundaries, try something you know you can get away with, like lying to a grand jury about oral sex with a naive intern.
We get the political class we deserve thanks to a declining culture. Charlie Sheen becomes a folk hero for un-medicated bipolar rants on the internet. Two million people were following him on Twitter before he posted a thing, but that is nothing compared to the two billion who watched the world’s most expensive welfare family expand its numbers when William married kate Middleton. Here is the royal heinie:
Meh. Seen better. Speaking of rear ends, the Occupy movement has nothing better to do than park theirs on private property for months at a time, railing against their corporate masters on their iphones while sipping Starbucks. Complaining because they do not have a job, but refuse to get one and become beholden to the capitalist system. Go figure what yhese dopes are all about.
Osama bin Laden is dead, folks, and it barely registered on our jaded souls. Maybe it is because the Arab Spring has bloomed numerous new terrorist havens for the future. Maybe it is because Obama forgot the divine promise to bless them that bless the Jews and curse them that curse them. Maybe we are just overwhelmed by the malaise of it all.
But here we are with a new year. It is a chance to forget all the rotten events of the last twelve months and start again. I suggest we do not blow it, because the Mayans are not correct. This is not the end. For better or worse, we have to live with the world we build.
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